Twas The Night Before Christmas...

I will start this post by saying that this is not my original work.

I shamelessly stole this from a friend of mine 

and just as he did I have tweaked it a bit. 

See Steve's version here

  It was originally written by Harvey Ehrlich.

‘Twas The Night Before Christmas And Santa’s A Wreck


‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck.
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”
“Vertically challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.


Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced by four pigs, and you know that looked stupid.


The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard heavy footsteps upon their rooftops.
The people at PETA were all up in arms,
His fur trimmed red suit had caused animals harm


If that wasn’t enough, to add to his woes
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Oprah, in front of the nation
Demanding millions in fair compensation
And as for the gifts, why, he’d never a notion
That making a choice could cause such commotion


Nothing of leather, nothing of fur
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise,
Nothing gender specific, for just girls or just boys


No candy or anything bad for the tooth
Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden
No XBox or Wii  that could ruin the eyes,
No iPods, iPads, iPhones, nothing with ‘i’s.


No baseball, no football, where kids could get hurt
Besides, playing sports exposed them to dirt
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé
Computers would just rot your whole brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed,
He just could not figure what to do next.


He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground,
Nothing acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.


A gift that would satisfy with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion,
Every ethnicity, every orientation
Everyone, everywhere…the whole population.
So here is the gift, it’s priced beyond worth,
May you and your loved ones enjoy

Peace On Earth


Whatever your thing at this season so bright

Kwanzaa or Hanukkah the festival of lights

Festivus, Christmas, Solstice, Diwali
We wish you great joy at your winter party
From the Dudleychick ladies, here's our wish to you
Warm winter blessings to you and your crew.

Times are tough...but I do my best!

My dear friends, 

Although it is somewhat embarrassing to admit, since I have been unemployed my Christmas budget is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:

You need four maxi pads to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.

The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.

Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.

Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are: 

* Soft and Hygienic

* Non-slip grip strips on the soles

* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh

* No more bending over to mop up spills 

* Disposable and biodegradable 

* Environmentally safe *

Come in three convenient sizes:

(1.) Regular(2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made above so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself.... Awaiting your response.Please respond with your desired size, and decoration color.

Happy Holidays 

Love ya, LeAnne


No really I just took them to my ward's RS Christmas party white elephant gift exchange.

 

They were a hit and Mary Jo ended up

choosing the box with these beauties inside. 

  She was not the one who ended up taking them home though.

The best gift of the evening was Becky's selection...

Yep, that's right. Of all of the gifts she chose the pregnancy test.

Uhhh, I think we all know the results of that test.

Anyway, fun was had by all.

I love white elephant gift exchanges.

Wanna know what I got? 

I ended up with this

courtesy of the talented Patti Merril.  It was hard to get a picture without the light reflection in the glass but it says LOVE in photos.

S*C*O*R*E!

I had just commented how much I loved this when she posted it on facebook, lucky me!

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Catching up.

As I sat in my parents house my mom reminded me that I am still behind on my thankful posts. That was last week and now it is not even November anymore but I wanted to finish.

So here is the rest of my list, again in no particular order. 

#17. Chocolate

Oprah's set made entirely of Godiva chocolate

Here are a few of my theories on my favorite sweet treat. 

SEVEN DAYS WITHOUT CHOCOLATE MAKES ONE WEAK

 

CHOCOLATE IS CHEAPER THAN THERAPY, 

AND YOU DON'T NEED AN APPOINTMENT

THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN A GOOD FRIEND, 

EXCEPT A GOOD FRIEND WITH CHOCOLATE

#18 Weather forecasts that are WRONG

Last week there was a "storm of the century" forecast for Utah, right before Thanksgiving. People were stocking up on groceries and water, buying generators, and schools closed early. College students prepared to face the worst roads in years as they headed over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house for Thanksgiving. My daughter was among them. She loaded her car with essential supplies in case she got stuck in a blizzard. The blizzard that never happened. 

#19  Grocery Stores

While enjoying my Thanksgiving dinner I thought about the early settlers and all of the work they had to do to put on their Thanksgiving feast. I am thankful that all the good food I need (and some of the junk I don't need) is just down the street at my local grocery store.

#20 Sleeping in on Black Friday

 In past years I have been one of those crazy people who go out in the wee hours of the morning to stand in line in freezing temperatures waiting for a great Black Friday deal. Not this year. This year I slept in, went no where near a store of any kind...and really enjoyed it!

#21  My Sewing Machine

I have been sewing for a long time. I got my first sewing machine for my birthday when I was 12 or 13 (I don't remember exactly) but I still have that machine and it still works great, Thanks to my local repair man who told me to forget buying something new, that he would keep my old friend running for me. It has made baby clothes and blankets, pajamas, at least a dozen prom dresses, skirts, curtains, duvets, pillows and other home decor. It is not a fancy machine, just an old Kenmore with lots of miles on it but I love it.

#22 Computers

This was the first computer I ever used. It was a Radio Shack TRS-80 and I took a computer class in middle school. We learned to write programs using If>Then statements that would make a green dash on a black screen do something cool.

We've come a long way since then. Today computers can fit in your pocket

and connect you to the world. I love technology!

#23Tweezers

The older I get the more hairs I find growing out of strange places...nuff said!

#24  Children's Laughter

No matter how bad my day has been or how depressed I may be feeling hearing the sounds of children laughing (especially babies) makes my day.

#25  ATMs

Cash in a box, what could be more convenient?

Well, maybe unlimited funds.

#26 Peanut Butter

 Maybe I am just a kid at heart but I love Peanut Butter. 

A good PB&J is just divine.

Even just on a spoon I love the stuff.

Even better when combined with #17 above.

#27 Good Customer Service

I have worked in customer service for much of my career. It is often a thankless job. People can be very RUDE and unappreciative. That is why when I do get good customer service I try and make a point of letting them know how much I appreciate it. I have recently received great service at Wells Fargo, Dish Network, Chase, and even at Walmart in Grand Junction.

#28 My Faith
I am a Mormon, LDS, Latter Day Saint...whatever you want to call it. 
I am proud of my faith and thankful 
for how it has shaped me into who I am today. 

#29 America

I have always thought Lee Greenwood's song says it best. 

I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me. And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA

#30 ME

 I am not perfect.

I make mistakes. 

I laugh. 

I cry. 

I love and I am loved. 

I enjoy life.

 So that's my list for this year. I am sure there are things that I am thankful for that I neglected to mention in this list.
I am going to try and be thankful for something every day, 
not just in November because I am truly blessed to be me.

Want something FREE on Black Friday?

This year I opted to sleep in instead of get up early and fight the crowds of crazies for discount deals. It felt good! When I awoke after a few extra hours of sleep I decided to do a little blog surfing.

Imagine my surprise when I found this offer from the creator of my favorite song at the moment.

Mindy Gledhill is giving away a case 

of her new album (that's 30 copies) to one lucky winner!

If you have not had the pleasure of hearing Mindy's music then enjoy this video. The song is Hourglass and it is on her new album Anchor...which she is giving away 30 copies of!

Since I am unemployed this year and my Christmas budget is tight I am hoping I win, so I can give them as gifts this year. Wouldn't that be grand?

She also has some other great deals going on. You can get a whole case of Anchor CD's at the wholesale price of only $6.63 each. That's $199 for the case. 

The retail value of 30 CDs is $509.40, so this is an amazing value. 

She is also doing a 2/$20 special which gets you Anchor and her previous album Feather in The Wind both for $20. Such a deal! 

Click here to check out the deals.

http://bluemorphmusic.mybigcommerce.com/

WAAAAAAY Behind...

I am more than a little behind but here are a few more of the things I am thankful for.
In no particular order.

#6. My Cell Phone

Affectionately known as my "Crackberry".
It allows instant communication with friends and family
and even feeds my Facebook addiction on the go.
I never thought I would be so attached but I have to admit I am hooked.

#7. Paper, and Stamps, and Ink...OH MY! 

This is a picture of my table this past weekend. I was preparing for my Christmas card workshops.
I am thankful for the ability to create (it keeps me sane) and to share my creations with others. I am also grateful to be a part of a great company, Close To My Heart.

#8. My Car 

This is my ride (and my friend Jane). It's a 2000 VW Cabrio.

This pic was taken the day I bought it. 

Ashleigh calls it my clown car and refuses to ride in it, but I love it. 

Here are some highlights

115K Miles and still going strong

Convertible top (my fav on Indian Summer and warm Spirng days)

Great gas mileage

One out of four hubcaps (thanks to the jerkwads who stole the other three)

A few character dings that came with it at no extra charge

I own it...NO CAR PAYMENTS!

#9 Facebook

 I know I am going to get some heat for this but I am actually thankful for Facebook. It has allowed me to reconnect with old friends, make new friends with similar interests and keep on everyone's lives (also known as Facebook stalking). I have also seen how Facebook can gather people around a cause, predict election results and provide free marketing for small businesses and entrepreneurs. Plus there are some addictive games on there in case you have some time to waste.

#10 Netflix

What ever did I do before my movies and TV shows came to me in the mail
or instantly streamed on my computer.

#11  I am grateful that some children are not mine!

OK maybe that sounds bad but when I see the screaming child in the grocery store or hear stories of unruly children I am glad they are not mine. My girl had her moments believe me (if you want to know ask her about the time the neighbors called the cops or a certain orange juice incident). But in all honesty I had a pretty easy kid. Much to my mother's dismay who swears to this day that I did not get what I deserved.

#12  Modern Medicine

Don't get me started on my feelings about Health Care, that is for another post. What I am grateful for here is modern medicine and the people who chose to spend their lives taking care of others. With the recent hospitalization of my dad I have been reminded how important good heath care is.

#13 Books 
I am a lover of written words. Of stories.
Of escaping to another time and place.
Of learning and growing by reading.
more on what I love see this post.

#14  J.K. Rowling

Not only did she write some of my favorite books of all time, but I think J.K. Rowling truly changed the world. Before Harry Potter if you asked a third grader to pick up a 300, 400 or 700+ page book and read it you would have been looked at like you were crazy. And wait in line at midnight for a new book, no way! Books weren't cool. Yes, there were readers and people both young and old who enjoyed books but books were just books. Jo Rowling created a world both children and adults wanted to be a part of . She created anticipation as we waited with baited breath for the next installment of the story. She created jobs when bookstores hired extra people to prepare for the releases. Toy companies, clothing companies, the movie industry and now even a theme parked jumped on board. She created an empire. But most of all she made books cool, made children pick up huge volumes and read them from cover to cover multiple times, and paved the way for writers to tell their own stories.

For anyone who says that one person can't change the world...
this single mum from England is my example of how it can be done.

#15 Diet Coke

I have been working hard to kick my Diet Coke habit.
I try not to buy it to have at home and that has helped
but sometimes a few shots of Diet Coke
(or a bong as shown above) is what it takes to make it through the day.

#16 Plumbing

My bathroom may not be luxurious but it is not this...nuff said!

 

 More to come!

Live, Love, Laugh

This thankful post is all about 

Living...

           Loving...

                        Laughing

#3

Living in Colorado

I may have been born in California but I am a Colorado girl at heart.

The kids in this video went to school with my daughter
and I think they did a great job of summing up Colorado girls.

I really do love it here. I grew up on the western slope in

Grand Junction and this was in my back yard.

Colorado National Monument photo found here

Now the Mile High City is my home.

Photo found here

Colorado really does have everything I love (except a beach).

#4

Some of little things I love.

These are a few of the every day things 
that will always bring a smile to my face.

1. Baby Laughs

2. Clean sheets and towels

3. Cards, letters and packages in the mailbox

4. Bubble baths

5. Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows

6. Birthday Candles

7. Good music

8. Cupcakes

9. Disney Movies

10. Blog Comments :)

#5

Girlfriends who make me laugh.

Throughout my life I have always been privileged to have great girlfriends. Life moves on and some friendships remain close, others fade, and new friendships are made. Some of my fondest memories are of laughing with girlfriends, often until our sides and cheeks hurt.

I love how I can speak to old friends and remember fun times like they were yesterday even if life has taken over and we haven't spoken in a long time. Just the mention of the ice cube incident,  shopping for Dark Helmet, a certain Sarah Lee cheesecake, Hoppy Burfdae or Mr Microdot brings a smile to my face to this day.

(If you were involved in these memories you know who you are.)

I love how girlfriends can make you laugh when you really feel like crying and then still be there when you remember what you were crying about.

Girlfriends are like chocolate for the soul. 

Today I am thankful for the laughter brought on by girlfriends...past and present.

.

Giving Thanks

Lately, I have felt like I have been making lots of 

As in, "When life gives you lemons make lemonade."

My life is not where I would like it to be and I feel lost in the LEMONS. 

But, even on the days where I am feeling the sorriest for myself 

I am reminded that

I have lots and lots to be thankful for.

So since this is November, the month of Thanksgiving

I am going to attempt to post something I am thankful for every day. The posts may not be daily but by the end of November I will have posted 30 things I am thankful for. 

#1 

 My Family 

Even though there are admittedly a few nuts on my family tree (I MAY even be one of them) my family has always been there for me. They love me unconditionally in spite of all my faults. I am so lucky to have them.

#2

My Daughter

I know that technically she is encompassed in being thankful for my family but to me she deserves a separate mention. I love this pic. She will tell you that it is a result of photoshop enhancements, but this is how I see her.

Fun

 Funky

 Sweet and Beautiful 

Perfection.

Stay tuned for my thankful thoughts, more to come. 

What are YOU thankful for?