Friday, December 24, 2010

Twas The Night Before Christmas...

I will start this post by saying that this is not my original work.
I shamelessly stole this from a friend of mine 
and just as he did I have tweaked it a bit. 
  It was originally written by Harvey Ehrlich.

‘Twas The Night Before Christmas And Santa’s A Wreck

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck.
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”
“Vertically challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced by four pigs, and you know that looked stupid.

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard heavy footsteps upon their rooftops.
The people at PETA were all up in arms,
His fur trimmed red suit had caused animals harm

If that wasn’t enough, to add to his woes
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Oprah, in front of the nation
Demanding millions in fair compensation
And as for the gifts, why, he’d never a notion
That making a choice could cause such commotion

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise,
Nothing gender specific, for just girls or just boys

No candy or anything bad for the tooth
Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden
No XBox or Wii  that could ruin the eyes,
No iPods, iPads, iPhones, nothing with ‘i’s.

No baseball, no football, where kids could get hurt
Besides, playing sports exposed them to dirt
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé
Computers would just rot your whole brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed,
He just could not figure what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground,
Nothing acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion,
Every ethnicity, every orientation
Everyone, everywhere…the whole population.
So here is the gift, it’s priced beyond worth,
May you and your loved ones enjoy
Peace On Earth

Whatever your thing at this season so bright
Kwanzaa or Hanukkah the festival of lights
Festivus, Christmas, Solstice, Diwali
We wish you great joy at your winter party
From the Dudleychick ladies, here's our wish to you
Warm winter blessings to you and your crew.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Times are tough...but I do my best!

My dear friends, 
Although it is somewhat embarrassing to admit, since I have been unemployed my Christmas budget is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.

How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:
You need four maxi pads to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.

These slippers are: 
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills 
* Disposable and biodegradable 
* Environmentally safe *
Come in three convenient sizes:
(1.) Regular(2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.

I've attached a photo of the first pair I made above so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself.... Awaiting your response.Please respond with your desired size, and decoration color.

Happy Holidays 
Love ya, LeAnne

No really I just took them to my ward's RS Christmas party white elephant gift exchange.

They were a hit and Mary Jo ended up
choosing the box with these beauties inside. 
  She was not the one who ended up taking them home though.

The best gift of the evening was Becky's selection...
Yep, that's right. Of all of the gifts she chose the pregnancy test.

Uhhh, I think we all know the results of that test.

Anyway, fun was had by all.

I love white elephant gift exchanges.

Wanna know what I got? 

I ended up with this

courtesy of the talented Patti Merril.  It was hard to get a picture without the light reflection in the glass but it says LOVE in photos.


I had just commented how much I loved this when she posted it on facebook, lucky me!

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Sunday, December 5, 2010

Catching up.

As I sat in my parents house my mom reminded me that I am still behind on my thankful posts. That was last week and now it is not even November anymore but I wanted to finish.

So here is the rest of my list, again in no particular order. 

#17. Chocolate
Oprah's set made entirely of Godiva chocolate

Here are a few of my theories on my favorite sweet treat. 



#18 Weather forecasts that are WRONG

Last week there was a "storm of the century" forecast for Utah, right before Thanksgiving. People were stocking up on groceries and water, buying generators, and schools closed early. College students prepared to face the worst roads in years as they headed over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house for Thanksgiving. My daughter was among them. She loaded her car with essential supplies in case she got stuck in a blizzard. The blizzard that never happened. 

#19  Grocery Stores
While enjoying my Thanksgiving dinner I thought about the early settlers and all of the work they had to do to put on their Thanksgiving feast. I am thankful that all the good food I need (and some of the junk I don't need) is just down the street at my local grocery store.

#20 Sleeping in on Black Friday
 In past years I have been one of those crazy people who go out in the wee hours of the morning to stand in line in freezing temperatures waiting for a great Black Friday deal. Not this year. This year I slept in, went no where near a store of any kind...and really enjoyed it!

#21  My Sewing Machine
I have been sewing for a long time. I got my first sewing machine for my birthday when I was 12 or 13 (I don't remember exactly) but I still have that machine and it still works great, Thanks to my local repair man who told me to forget buying something new, that he would keep my old friend running for me. It has made baby clothes and blankets, pajamas, at least a dozen prom dresses, skirts, curtains, duvets, pillows and other home decor. It is not a fancy machine, just an old Kenmore with lots of miles on it but I love it.

#22 Computers
This was the first computer I ever used. It was a Radio Shack TRS-80 and I took a computer class in middle school. We learned to write programs using If>Then statements that would make a green dash on a black screen do something cool.

We've come a long way since then. Today computers can fit in your pocket
and connect you to the world. I love technology!

The older I get the more hairs I find growing out of strange places...nuff said!

#24  Children's Laughter

No matter how bad my day has been or how depressed I may be feeling hearing the sounds of children laughing (especially babies) makes my day.

#25  ATMs
Cash in a box, what could be more convenient?
Well, maybe unlimited funds.

#26 Peanut Butter
 Maybe I am just a kid at heart but I love Peanut Butter. 
A good PB&J is just divine.

Even just on a spoon I love the stuff.
Even better when combined with #17 above.

#27 Good Customer Service
I have worked in customer service for much of my career. It is often a thankless job. People can be very RUDE and unappreciative. That is why when I do get good customer service I try and make a point of letting them know how much I appreciate it. I have recently received great service at Wells Fargo, Dish Network, Chase, and even at Walmart in Grand Junction.
#28 My Faith
I am a Mormon, LDS, Latter Day Saint...whatever you want to call it. 
I am proud of my faith and thankful 
for how it has shaped me into who I am today. 

#29 America

I have always thought Lee Greenwood's song says it best. 

I’m proud to be an American,
where at least I know I’m free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me. And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
‘ Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA

#30 ME

 I am not perfect.
I make mistakes. 
I laugh. 
I cry. 
I love and I am loved. 
I enjoy life.

 So that's my list for this year. I am sure there are things that I am thankful for that I neglected to mention in this list.
I am going to try and be thankful for something every day, 
not just in November because I am truly blessed to be me.